Handling Negativists
Positive Points for Negative Persons
Sue Pivetta
| Sue Pivetta is the President of Professional Pride Training Company. She has now formulated a new company called "911 People Inc.," which works with communications agencies on people issues - issues such as consultation and analysis of current or new training programs, and employment testing. Sue is a certified dispute resolution mediator and experienced executive meeting and retreat facilitator. She can be contacted at 1-800/830-828. |
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This article can be found on page 20 of the Nov/Dec 1998 issue of 9-1-1 Magazine. |
Most of us don't like being around a negative person but at times we mutely fall into step behind them. We seem to be so affected by them that they can drag one person or even an agency down. Those who are especially affected are people who don't understand their own power to control their moods. Negativists can be at the center of dysfunction in the workplace. Yet if you were to ask them, they'd claim to be the victims. They feel unappreciated, disappointed and generally justified in their feelings and how they express them.
A negativist will complain about anything new and anyone who achieves anything. What is going on?
"Scratch the surface of a cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist."
What need is being fulfilled by this behavior? Does complaining give us pleasure, does it alleviate some pain, or is it habit? Complaining is part of a negative attitude, but there is more. Negativism is a way of internal reasoning that says "I won't agree, cooperate, or trust until the world apologizes." A workplace negativist uses a lot of energy just wrestling with the feelings that direct their actions and affect their attitude. And their peers waste energy either by avoiding, joining or disliking them. The difference between normal complaining and destructive critical behavior should be recognized.
Occasionally, all of us feel a defeatist attitude - but we bounce back because we don't like to feel that way too long and besides most of us understand that you can't win `em all. Losing doesn't take away our entire being. A negativist cannot let it go.
Occasionally, all of us feel embittered about wrongs bestowed upon us by others - but we forgive and forget. A negativist won't forgive because they feel others need to earn or deserve forgiveness or the wrong they suffered had a significant personal and internal loss attached.
Occasionally, we are all disappointed because we had expected more out of something or someone - but we get over it. Our spirit may be dampened, but not damaged. We can dry off. A negativist does not understand or practice the art of moving within, expressing, letting go and moving on from disappointment. They carry resentment on their backs like a sack of dead fish, proclaiming, "Something around here stinks."
Occasionally, we all feel unappreciated - but we find ways to get support. Mostly we can talk ourselves into understanding that true appreciation comes from within and say, "Who cares, I know I'm wonderful." Like drawing water from a well. A negativist isn't so sure that they are wonderful, don't have a well and instead must draw only from what others can give them. If they aren't constantly filled up, they feel empty.
Now, imagine feeling defeated, embittered, disappointed and unappreciated - but not having the ability to let it go. A negativist believes they are defeated, because they tried and did not succeed and it hurt. They expect defeat so prepare for battle. Then this attitude becomes habitual, and it becomes difficult for them to change. People begin to expect nasty comments from them, may even joke about it. Soon it begins to seem like this spoiler attitude serves some useful purpose. But it does not. A unyielding, defiant, resistant employee can drain the creativity and joy out of a moment.
5 Workable Things you can do
1. Honesty. The negativist first needs to understand how their attitude affects others. Tell them without regard to "how they will take it." They want acceptance like us all and may be willing to understand. Come to them with "I" statements. Be sure to not use the word "you" in any part of your message.
2. Value. The negativist needs to feel appreciated, and have many great qualities. Look for ways to stroke the person. Also try to identify what ways this person has been de-valued in the past so you can begin to understand. Being understood can help a person release old pent-up emotions.
3. Success. The negativist may be difficult to convince, but they need some success in a new project. Give them something positive to do that will result in good reinforcement and praise. If they refuse, try again at another time.
4. Refusal. The negativist owns their own feelings and should be allowed to roll in them without affecting the rest of the group. Generate a conversation with workers about their own positive attitude, and your appreciation and a general statement about not buying into negativity. We all suffer from peer pressure to feel defeated and gloomy. Give your co-workers permission to refuse to participate.
5. Persist. Continue to push a positive message. If the negativist creates an uproar during a meeting, training or other important event, allow them to clarify and expose all of their feelings. Address their feelings as their own, value them and move on. Let them know it is not how you feel, how others feel. Eventually, this person will begin to feel like an outsider instead of a self righteous leader.
If you find yourself saying "we tried that," then, as a last resort, put a copy of this article in their locker or box.
And we will say this to them:
We all understand your feelings, it isn't easy in this profession. There are many times you tried to get needed changes and were disappointed. We understand the sadness of working under poor conditions with little recognition. We also know you love this work.
We value your contribution and would love to see you soar. It isn't easy coming to work disillusioned. We are asking you to search for the good here, and instead of taking your magnifying glass and enlarging the challenges, try to take that same magnifying glass and amplify the rewards. Try this for one day, just one day. The rewards are here or you wouldn't still be here.
You have done good work, be proud. You have given relief, support, guidance, and help to those who desperately needed you. Despite the politics, the past disappointment, and the future bleak expectations - above all else - we want you here - but we want to see that beautiful side of you more often. You are important to us!
